“For three years I have given you commandments for better driving and for THREE years you have ignored me! As a curse onto you, I smite you with the notion that an illiterate, foulmouthed, slob like Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi can make more in a month than most of us in a year. Disregard my Denver Driving Commandments for a third year – and the lord your God may send Snooki’s best-selling biography to your home!” – – The Lord (place the name of your deity here)
Yep, it’s that time of year again. That time when items like matzah (matzo), Manischewitz (that sweet wine), gefilte fish (gooey, slime-coated, yummy, mushy fish) and “Ten Commandments” with Charlton Heston confuse and delight so many Denver-ites. Best of all, it’s that time of year in Denver when our racing tracks get down to business.
Passover rocks!
Click (HERE) for 2010’s Ten Commandments and (HERE) for 2009’s.
Here are the 2011 Ten Commandments of Denver Driving
- Thou shall not be an idiot and change lanes WITHOUT using your turn signal. I mean, is it so complicated? If you pull this crap too often, the good lord might zap your ass for being so ignorant. Seriously people.
- Thou shall love the Nissan GTR, Mini Cooper S, Ford Raptor, Dodge Challenger SRT8, Subaru WRX STI, Cadillac CTS-V, Chevrolet Corvette ZR1, Mustang GT, Jeep Wrangler, Mitsubishi EVO X, anything with “AMG,” RAM Power Wagon, Audi R8, BMW M3, VW GTI R and a few others your lord and master omitted.
- Thou shall NOT love Porsche as they refuse to let journalists test them in the Rocky Mountain region. That pisses the lord off. You can like them – but you can’t love them. Remember the Golden Calf? expect the same treatment for new Porsche lovers.
- Thou shall go to a car wash and clean your car. It’s good for your car people.
- Thou shall get rid of all of those ridiculous stick figure stickers taped on the back of your family car. Unless you want strangers to know EXACTLY how many kids, dogs and cats you have. While you’re at it, why not paste your social security number on your bumper?
- Thou shall NOT let your pet sit on your lap when you drive. I will barbeque you ass-in-molasses if you do that. Think about it Colorado – what happens to your poochie when your airbag deploys? Ever seen The Fly II?
- Thou shall get your slow-butt OUT of the left lane when on I-25, I-70 or any road with the name “interstate,” “highway” or “freeway” in it. Get the clue: the left lane is for PASSING!
- Thou shall not throw a cigarette butt out of thy car. This really pisses your ruler off and you will burn for being so careless. Oh yes, you WILL burn! Or, you will be burned by the smoking cherry on the end of your cigarette and you will remember thy words!
- Thou shall create a petition to paint that ridiculous, red-eyed specter of doom horse statue-thing at DIA another color. It even freaks God out.
- The Lord, your God, KNOWS that you don’t ski as much as you advertise. Take those skis off your car until you actually use them. Don’t look at me like that – you know who you are.
Automotive media, racing, vehicle evaluation, wrecking yards, and car sales are just a part of Nathan Adlen’s vehicular past. He writes out of high octane passion! To read more reviews by Nathan Adlen or just to enjoy more of excellent writing please visit him on at his examiner.com page HERE.
Follow on twitter @TFLcar or watch latest car review videos on YouTube.
Follow on twitter @TFLcar or watch latest car
review videos on YouTube.
