WWSD: What would Santa Drive?

By
Nathan Adlen
-
What Would Santa Drive?

In my estimation, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,  Donner, Blitzen and Rudolf represent about 10% of Santa Claus’ transportation needs year round. Sure, they can fly and they’re fuzzy, but how about handling the daily commute on California’s 405 freeway? These animals, indeed all animals, have an exhaust-pipe – if you know what I mean. Have you ever seen what caribou do while walking?

It would be a mess.

Good ‘ol Saint Nick needs to keep a low profile for most of the year; he would drive something logical. So, what would he be able to drive in serious snow while towing a huge trailer filled with reindeer? It would need to be spacious as Santa is pushing three bills. This vehicle would need to have lots of cup holders (Santa is a firm fixture with Coca-Cola) and it would need room for booster seats for a few, lucky elves

Santa Clause needs a Chevy Suburban. More specifically, Santa needs a ¾-ton Suburban  that features the 352 horsepower 6.0L V-8, rated at 352 horsepower and 382 lbs feet of torque. Bolted to a six-speed transmission and a good old two-speed transfer case, the 2013 Chevrolet Suburban 3/4 ton can tow up to 9,600 lbs. Even with a 2,000 lbs horse trailer and 5,000 lbs of reindeer, there would still be plenty of leftover space for milk, cookies and an Arctic Cat M1100 Sno Pro Snowmobile.

Santa will swell up with pride when he sees the exterior additions available for his Suburban:

  • “Power-retractable assist steps are available on LTZ
  • Heated power-operated outside mirrors are standard on LTZ and available on LT. They include auto-dimming, integrated signal indicators, ground lights and curb-tilt feature
  • A power-operated liftgate is available on LT and standard on LTZ
  • A range of 17-inch and 20-inch wheels is offered. Seventeen-inch wheels and tires are standard on LS and LT, with 20-inch wheels standard on LTZ
  • Dealer-installed accessory wheels include 20- and 22-inch designs
  • Exterior color choices include: Crystal Red Tintcoat, White Diamond Tricoat, Black, Silver Ice Metallic, Olympic White, Black Granite Metallic, Mocha Steel Metallic, Champagne Silver Metallic, Concord Metallic (late availability) and Blue Ray Metallic (late availability).” – – GM Media
Add to that a great smooth shape and what I think is the best color for the North Pole, Silver Ice Metallic, and you’ve got something sweet!
Suburban’s interior is usually better than Chevy’s pickup trucks. With that said, there isn’t that much of a change recently, unlike the upcoming Silverado. Still, the Suburban’s innards are very comfortable, quiet and well put together. Santa, the Mrs and six elves will have a comfy ride.
According to GM, here’s what Suburban has in store for its interior:
  • Leather-appointed seating is standard on LT and LTZ
  • Heated and cooled front seats and heated second-row seats are standard on LTZ
  • A heated and leather-wrapped steering wheel is standard on LTZ
  • Dual-zone automatic climate control on LT and LTZ; dual-zone manual-control air conditioning on LS
  • A rear-seat entertainment system is available on LT and LTZ, including DVD player with remote control, two overhead displays, two sets of wireless infrared headphones, auxiliary audio/video jacks and remote game plug-in
  • SiriusXM Satellite Radio is standard on all models
  • Audio system with AM/FM/CD and USB port is standard on LS and LT
  • Bose Centerpoint Surround Sound system is standard on LTZ; Bose nine-speaker sound standard on LT and six-speaker sound system standard on LS
  • Navigation radio with touch-screen operation is standard on LTZ and available on LT
  • Bluetooth phone connectivity is standard on all models
  • Power-adjustable pedals are standard on LT and LTZ and available on LS
  • Remote vehicle starter system is standard on LT and LTZ and available on LS
  • The Convenience Package is available on LS and includes power-adjustable pedals, remote vehicle starter system, rear park assist, rear vision camera and inside mirror with camera display
  • The Luxury Package is available on LT and includes heated second-row seats, power-release second-row seats, power liftgate, universal home remote, outside heated power-adjustable/folding mirrors and inside auto-dimming mirror
  • The Sun, Entertainment and Destinations Package is available on LT and LTZ and includes an additional nine months of SiriusXM radio and XM NavTraffic service, power sunroof and rear-seat DVD entertainment system with third-row DVD screen. LT also includes audio system with navigation, AM/FM/SiriusXM radio with CD, rear vision camera and auto-dimming inside rearview mirror.

Cool right? Santa Claus will be rolling in style with this rig.

What I like most about  the Suburban is the overall driving experience – and so will Santa. You see, it’s a snap to drive. The Suburban feels like a large car, even in parking lots. It actually feels smaller to drive than several competitors. At $44,905 for a base model 3/4 ton example, it’s price is pretty reasonable too.

I know Chevy is working on a new Suburban that’s due out in a few years. I can’t wait to test it and neither can Santa!

Here’s a fun SUV snow video from two kids on Santa’s “naughty” list!

Ho ho ho and happy holidays!

Easily amused by anything with four wheels, Nathan Adlen reviews vehicles from the cheapest to the most prestigious. Wrecking yards, dealer lots, garages, racetracks, professional automotive testing and automotive journalism – Nathan has experienced a wide range of the automotive spectrum. His words, good humor and video are enjoyed worldwide.

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR