There comes a time in most men’s lives when, for reasons of necessity, they hear the most frightening four words from their spouse:
“Let’s buy a minivan.”
Driving around in one of these may be one of the most emasculating things a man can do. But unfortunately, they do provide the space that a growing family needs. So what does a guy do?
TFL is here to help. The following are the five vehicles that any manly man should steer the minivan conversation toward once that time comes, arranged in order of increasing MSRP. The only criteria is that the car needs to have minivan-like three row seating.
Dodge Durango R/T ($39,795): The Durango is one of the best large SUVs on the market. The top-of-the-line Citadel model received a Buy It rating from TFLcar, but for maximum manliness, the R/T model is the way to go. It already has the big, burly Dodge crosshair grille, but now it’s available with the Blacktop package that turns all trim and wheels gloss black. Of course, the big news is under the hood: a 5.7 liter Hemi V-8 making 360 horsepower and 390 lb-ft of torque.
Ford Expedition King Ranch ($59,375): Really, any full-size SUV would be better than a minivan, and the Expedition is the best of the lot. The 3.5-liter EcoBoost V-6 makes 365 horsepower and 420 lb-ft of torque thanks to twin, manly turbochargers. But really, what’s manlier than a car named King Ranch?
Land Rover LR4 HSE LUX ($60,600): The Land Rover LR4 is manly because of what it promises – it looks like it’s ready to tackle the Serengeti at a moment’s notice. The supercharged 3.0-liter V-6 pumps out 340hp and 330 lb-ft of torque. It might not sound like a lot – and indeed it makes less than the Ford V-6 – but the engine comes from Jaguar. Instant manliness. Plus, the top of the line LUX trim level adds a 17-speaker sound system, and what man doesn’t like to show off his stereo?
Audi Q7 Premium with Sport Style Plus package ($68,200): Of all the cars on this list, the Q7 is the one that looks most like a minivan, or at least a tame crossover. It is an Audi, however, which gives it some rally racing cred. And, when equipped with the Sport Style Plus package, it’s transformed into a manly machine thanks to its blacked-out trim and wheels, much like the Durango R/T. Because of recent events, though, it would be wise to avoid the TDI model.
Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG S 4MATIC ($104,300): Minivans are just essentially tall station wagons, so why not go back to the original? The E36 AMG is a station wagon on steroids. It’s got a 5.5-liter, twin-turbocharged V-8 that makes a colossal 577 horsepower and 590 lb-ft of torque. The 0-60 sprint is over in 3.6 seconds. And it’s a station wagon with seating for seven. It may be pricey, but there’s no better manly alternative to the minivan.
Check out this TFLcar video of the 2014 Dodge Durango R/T in a drag race with the 2014 Range Rover Sport: